stellatex

vegan food and revolution

Filmy interlude

Chickpea cutlet sandwich

With horseradish sauce and pretzels.

Chickpea cutlet sandwich

How I became an atheist, part four

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

This is a multi-part series in which I chronicle my history as a nominal Christian, then seeking adolescent, then Catholic, then atheist. I guess some people would call it a “spiritual journey.” I wouldn’t.

After reading many of the “deconversion stories” published in the Converts’ Corner section of the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science web site, I decided it would be useful for me (and perhaps for others) to write out my experience.

* * * * *

The old University Catholic Center, a mysterious, flat-roofed, mid-century building with a big blue panel on the front showing its name, was directly across from the main mall, and had intrigued me since my arrival at university. It was like another planet. I had only been exposed to Protestant churches back home, and I wasn’t impressed with them, though I had enjoyed the movie nights at the local EYC, where we ate cookies and watched The Color Purple and discussed racism in America. I mean, it wasn’t even like church! And the priest, who actually looked like a priest (with the black outfit and white collar and everything!), was all liberal and cool. Anyway, the ritual of both the High Episcopal tradition and the Roman Catholic one appealed to my natural love of both history and order. I still most definitely did not literally believe in anything I’d read in the Bible, but I was floating around, grieving, confused, and angry. The Catholic Church, at the time, seemed a haven of reason and security, with its Mass, the same every week, and its disdain of embarrassing evangelical fervor, and its statues of Mary, a woman.

One day that fall, I went inside and asked about conversion. I met with a short, curly-headed lady over a fizzy soda and discussed the prospect. I told her I wanted to convert because I hadn’t been part of any church back home, and now I was at college and free to make my own decisions, and Catholicism seemed the right fit for me. I liked the Church’s historical foundations, its service, its emphasis on social justice, and its art.

Then the friendly mother of three asked me if I would say I’d had more of a Peter or Paul conversion experience, and I had no idea what she meant. After she explained, I said, “Oh, no, definitely Peter.” This was after all, mostly an intellectual attraction.

I think, honestly, that I believed my becoming Catholic would suddenly remake my entire cultural experience from one of pickup trucks and fried foods to something out of The Godfather. I thought it was richer and more significant, somehow. I thought it was like joining a club – the biggest and most mysterious club. I thought all that crossing myself and kneeling and bowing would transform everything around me to some sort of fascinating tapestry of deeper cultural meaning. I thought it would make me a Kennedy.

Looking back on it now, and knowing what I know about liberal Judaism (based on the study I have done out of my own interest, as my best friend converts to that religion), if I had explored another two blocks down the street, and walked into the campus Hillel, I have no doubt in my mind I would now be writing this as a secular Jew rather than a lapsed Catholic. Judaism’s truly monotheistic, action-based, ethically-driven beliefs are much more agreeable and rational to me (though still too woo – and sectarian – for me to seriously entertain). But, at eighteen, I was fascinated by the Catholic building, so in I went. I didn’t question the dogma much; I just appreciated the internal logic of the Catholic worldview. It seemed so sophisticated and beautiful when compared to the ugly Baptist church back home.

I know, right?

I completed the year-long Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. I enjoyed the class a lot, as it wasn’t touchy-feely like the Protestant experiences I’d come to loathe in school. It was intellectual, and we studied Church history, and Thomas Aquinas, and wrote short essays about our own experiences and expectations. I had a sponsor, a cradle Catholic named Mary (of course), who met with me once a month and attended all the rites along the way (including being blessed by the bishop, being blessed at Pentecost, being blessed by the congregation, etc., etc., etc.). She was engaged to an atheist and getting married in the Church. She gave me a catechism. I read the whole thing.

At the Easter mass, during my sophomore year of college, I submitted to the inevitable and was baptized. My father and stepmother came to the ceremony, their first Catholic one, and were proud of me, if a bit surprised by my choice of denomination. I wore a white sack and flip-flops, and, when it was my turn, climbed into the hot-tub-like baptismal font and went under the water, rejecting Satan, accepting Jesus, and adhering myself to the Roman Catholic Church. I now regret this, one of the few genuine regrets I have about my life.

I joined the Catholic sorority. They were fun, and didn’t rush or haze. They accepted anyone who wanted to join. We had a good time. Some of the women were Good Catholic Girls™ and some were the best dancer at Saint Bernadette’s. I was neither, and I struggled to fit in there, too. I didn’t want to spend my Saturday in the church in adoration of the holy sacrament, but neither was I boy crazy and driven to party. So I joined some other church groups. I was Eucharistic minister. I even went on the big spring retreat, so excited was I about Catholicism, so determined to find my place.

I think I was really looking for what the Four Horsemen (Hitchens, Dennett, Dawkins, and Harris) recently called “the numinous”. And this is certainly a misconception a lot of people, including some of my own friends, seem to have about nonbelievers. Just because I am an atheist (and, also, a person not prone to public displays of effusive emotion or sentimental abandon), that doesn’t mean I don’t experience the same transcendent feelings of beauty, awe, and gratitude that all other people do. I’ve just realized that, for me (and, I think, if they were being honest, for others), religion is not the best framework for validating the numinous. I simply do not ascribe these feelings of transcendence to any supernatural cause.

The retreat was the first thing that shocked me back into my senses. Most of the undergraduates who attended were by definition serious Catholics. They prayed a lot. They enthusiastically attended the three masses per day on the schedule. They threw themselves into all the silly little craft projects and bonding exercises. Luckily for me, my group leader, a senior from the Valley, was cool. She had a bad attitude, and made us all vampire-themed T-shirts (which, really, is quite appropriate for a group of people who ritually cannibalize their god, but, we’ll get to that later). So I managed to hang around the edges of the festivities, quietly meditating and reading. That is, until the passion play. Now, I’d been to one passion play before. Once, when I was 12, I went to Eureka Springs, Arkansas with my Lutheran friend. Eureka Springs is home to one of the most famous passion plays in the United States. Predictably, the whole event made me uncomfortable, and I couldn’t wait to get home, although I was somewhat fascinated by the all-encompassing, in-your-face Christianity of Eureka Springs, and of course the town itself, which is a hilly gingerbread Victorian dreamscape confection.

In the Catholic passion play, we all had to take a role. Once again, as is my way, I hung back, not wanting to be picked for any of the big parts, in which I would be expected to emote for Jesus. I think in the end I was just one of the Jerusalem crowd or something; I don’t really remember. I do remember that the guy who played Jesus took it very, very seriously. And that everyone else did, too. And that, by the end, half my fellow Catholics were in tears, wailing, calling out to Jesus.

Again, I was mortified. I was deeply uncomfortable, and a little scared. I realized again that I did not share the faith of these people. All weekend, I had tried to pray and contemplate the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, tried to make this connection that my peers seemed to have, tried to convince myself that I needed to do so, but once again I was left wholly repulsed. Once again, I couldn’t wait to get back to Austin.

After four semesters of sorority life, during which time I was elected to offices, won awards, and went on retreats, I decided to go inactive.

I still went to Mass weekly, and I still studied and prayed, but I was no longer in love with Catholicism.

ConvertsCorner

Photo of the day: Banner / Saint Cecilia wants to know the time

St Cecilia

The new crybaby theists

An article in The Age (Australia) by Michael Brull.

Firstly, in a liberal democracy, people should adjust to the prospect of other people finding their views stupid, immoral, pernicious, or any other terrible thing. For example, consider the case of a racist. They may view others with contempt, and members of the targeted minorities might respond with contempt for the views of the racist. Should we demand that victims of racism respect the beliefs of racists? Of course not: we grant the truism that some beliefs are stupid, immoral, pernicious and other terrible things. A liberal democracy cannot function without the possibility of discussing which beliefs are good and which ones are not. Crybaby theists wish to be shielded from the normal rough and tumble of arguments about beliefs. There are people who honestly think religious belief irrational, and find aspects of organised religion troubling. If anything is outrageous, it is the arrogance of religious extremists, here and elsewhere, holding that such views should not be allowed open discussion.

Secondly, hearing of the need for religious beliefs to be treated respectfully by evangelical Christians is galling. This is a religious faith full of those who believe in the importance of preaching to unbelievers and converting them. Obviously, if they respected the views of atheists and believers in different religions, they would not indulge such practices. Yet many Christians, with scriptural support, think non-believers and the un-baptised are going to hell. How respectful is this? Unlike crybaby theists, I’m happy for missionaries to try to persuade adults of the merits of their irrational case. Indeed, no atheists that I know of actually suggest that theists should “respect” their beliefs and stop arguing for theism. Atheists have simply taken up arguing their point of view: against religious belief. Some people whose income depends on irrational belief in the afterlife and dated holy texts have naturally reacted with anger at such developments.

Read the whole piece here.

Zucchini and Potato Latkes with Creamy Horseradish Almond Sauce

Zucchini and Potato Latkes

For the latkes
~ 6 potatoes, peeled
1 large zucchini, peeled
1 small onion, finely diced
1 cup white flour or corn starch (or, indeed, other vegetable starch)
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
bottle of vegetable oil to fry

For the sauce
3/4 cup raw sliced or chopped almonds
3/4 cup almond milk
2 Tbsp fresh horseradish
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
2 tsp dried dill
2 cloves garlic, minced
splash lemon juice

1. Grate potatoes and zucchini into large mixing bowl.

2. Adding onion, mix lightly with fingers. Add flour, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Mix thoroughly with hands.

3. Bring a good amount of vegetable oil to medium high to high heat in a large skillet.

4. Meanwhile, combine all sauce ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth and creamy; set aside.

5. Form potato and zucchini mixture into small balls, then flatten them between your palms. Gently drop them into hot oil. Fry on each side for about 5-7 minutes, or until nicely browned. Drain oil on paper towels.

6. Serve latkes warm on a bed of mixed greens with creamy horseradish sauce as garnish.

Zucchini and Potato Latkes

A message for Obama

On November 7, 2008, three days after the election, I took then-President-elect Obama up on his call to share my hopes and expectations with him on his immediately up-and-running web site, Change.gov. Quite a long list of long longed-for hopes (or, if you will, demands), I posted my comments on Flickr, as well, under the title, “A message for Obama.”

On the anniversary of Obama’s election, I am posting my list again. Let’s see what we’ve accomplished, shall we?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Please abolish the Patriot Act.

Please reinstate Habeas Corpus.

Please demand full citizenship rights for gay and lesbian Americans.

Please strengthen the rights of women to refuse compulsory pregnancy by broadening access to abortion, health care, and contraceptives.

Please insist that nonbelievers are Americans, too.

Please spread the wealth.

Please insure access to Medicare for all; profiting from the sickness and death of others is immoral; work for universal health care NOW.

Please strengthen social security and support measures to reinstate traditional pensions so that Americans can retire with security and dignity.

Please be prudent and sparing in deploying our military.

Please insure all veterans receive the healthcare (including mental healthcare), educational opportunities, and support they deserve.

Please invest in mass public transportation in every city and hamlet in America.

Please use your position to bring Reason back to the place it occupied in our national discourse during the time of Jefferson and Paine.

Please rebuild our inner cities and rural areas with furious intensity and financial commitment, even deploying community organizers if necessary.

Please divest the FDA and larger federal government of the influence of the meat, dairy, and big agriculture industries, and explore reduced meat consumption and increased animal protection laws as part of America’s response to the energy crisis.

Please prosecute Bush, Cheney, and all those who illegally led us to war and failed in their oath to "support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic."

Please insist on greatly broadened participation for women and other disenfranchised people in the governments of countries in which America has involved itself, such as Afghanistan.

Please increase standards and pay for teachers.

Please return the tax system to a fairer, more redistributive one, such as we had during the "golden" era of the middle class: the 1950s and 60s (when the top tier was taxed as much as 91%).

Please develop strong working relationships with social democratic and socialist leaders among our allies.

Please repeal or fundamentally change the misnamed No Child Left Behind Act.

Please end corporate personhood.

Please work for verifiable, nonprofit, paper-based voting systems at every level.

Please devote as much research and investment as possible to the exploration of alternative energy sources, such as wind, water, and solar.

Please reinstate bans on usury in the banking industry, especially regarding the predatory practices of credit card companies, and allow judges to renegotiate the terms of individual debtors.

Please refrain from using divisive religious language, however inspiring or politically expedient it may seem.

Please continue to largely ignore baseless, irrational attacks in favor of pursuing a conciliatory, but unabashedly fact-based national discourse.

Please make college more affordable, and encourage investment in and respect for vocational programs.

Please end the War on Drugs and work toward a sensible, reason-based, non-punitive drug policy.

Please support trade agreements only if they insure strong, democratic, and equitable environmental, labor, and pay standards will be in effect – and enforced.

Please adopt a puppy from a shelter.

Please repair and continue to invest in our public parks, be they national forests or city squares.

Please appoint the best people for the job, but try to avoid stacking your cabinet with DLCers.

Please increase funding for all forms of medical research, including HIV/AIDS, and stem cell research.

Please support science, and encourage Americans, young and old, to get less involved in celebrity scandals and more involved in popular science.

Please overhaul welfare reform, attacking the problems that cause poverty at their source rather than punishing the most unfortunate Americans to placate a fearful and selfish minority of voters.

Please do away with the stupid "Thanksgiving turkey pardon" tradition, and instead encourage Americans to reflect on the real costs of meat consumption, factory farms, and the rise of obesity.

Please aggressively prosectute corporate and white collar crime.

Please do not invest in nuclear power.

Please repeal the idiotic border fence act.

Please open up the presidential debates to third parties and independent candidates, by settling up a real, non-corporate presidential debate commission.

Please repeal the Taft-Hartley anti-union act and support American and foreign labor.

Please support the spread of reason- and evidence-based policy making in America, the Middle East, and worldwide by championing reason and building upon your statement that "democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific, values," as outlined in your Call to Renewal address in 2006.

Please tell us the truth and talk to us like adults, and demand that we live up to our responsibilities as citizens.

Please take your oath of office on a copy of the United States Constitution.

Raw zucchini pasta

Raw zucchini pasta

I am so into this.

Raw zucchini pasta created with a cheap multi-slicer, with onions, kalamata olives, a little pecan pesto, and a drizzle of olive oil.

Chickpea cutlets with Hollandaze sauce

I haven’t made chickpea cutlets in way too long. So, despite a rather exhausting weekend, I baked a batch tonight while waiting for Man Men to air. They were even better than I remembered.

Chickpea cutlets with Hollandaze sauce

This time, I paired the delectable cutlets with Vegan Planet’s Hollandaze Sauce, from Robin’s cookbook, 1,000 Vegan Recipes. I was never a big fan of Hollandaise sauce as an omnivore, but this stuff was delicious and will definitely be added to my regular rotation of saucey stand-bys!

I didn’t have quite enough cashews, so I added some raw almonds. This recipe was so easy – and no flour! YUM!

I finished the meal off with garlic mashed potatoes, carrots, and a side salad of mixed leaves. The sauce was very complimentary to everything on my plate!

Isa’s Quinoa Puttanesca

Quinoa Puttanesca

When my friend Sam got engaged a few months ago, she asked me to make a dish for her wedding reception, with the following parameters: appropriate for a buffet; Italian; vegan; soy free; gluten free. A tall order, you ask? Not at all!

I made Isa’s Isa’s Quinoa Puttanesca (The Quinoa of Whores). Aside from the reference to whores, it fit the bill perfectly, and was pretty tasty, if I do say so myself. Despite some men turning their noses up at a “vegetarian” dish, my little pan of goodness was eaten up!

This recipe is fast, easy, and hearty, with surprisingly complex flavors. I think the white wine made it.

wedding

Quinoa Puttanesca

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